Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The air taste purple.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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