matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
