i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
