he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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