YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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