I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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