I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
