Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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