the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
