I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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