I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
