he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
