3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
