she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is my gift to your gina
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
