I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
