We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As shirtless as possible
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
