remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
