you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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