if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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