We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
