dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
