Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
