my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
