so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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