Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dicks are not precious.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
