he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fuck appropriateness.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
