you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
