Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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