Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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