Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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