It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
