pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
