Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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