i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
