Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize