My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
