I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
