take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
