he was CRYING into my vagina
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Houston, we have a blender
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
