Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
