I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
