It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
