Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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