I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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