you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
