I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
