She just used a chaser for red wine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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