seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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