Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
