get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
