We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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