I want to walk on stilts...naked
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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