So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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