Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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