At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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