I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
