Nicole vs. Life
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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