i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
