Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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