i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize