It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
