Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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