the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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