they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
