Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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