Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
