woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
