You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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