Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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